Learning to Be Approachable

Cited from the course "Learning to Be Approachable" from Lynda.com

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How do you know if you’re unapproachable?

1. People have told you.
2. You get unexpected reactions.
3. Ask close workplace friends.

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Why might others perceive you as unapproachable?

1. A frequent reason that people can seem unapproachable is that they're flashing dominant signals. So if you found yourself in a situation where you're nervous about your status or your abilities, you might fall prey to that. 
2. Folks who are shy often face the societal imperative to cover that up. So instead of hiding in a corner which is what they might prefer to do, they create an air about them that ends up pushing people away.
3. You might have a trait that you feel like you need to suppress. 
4. Some people react really quickly to other people's ideas. Sometimes you might love those ideas but if you don't and your reaction is harsh, that can drive people away and make you seem unapproachable.

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Body language and approachability

1. Eye contact
2. Smile
3. Relaxed and engaged listening face. An open posture, shoulders back, arms uncrossed, facing toward them, invites people in, and makes it feel safer for them to try to strike up a conversation or share their ideas and feelings. 

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Cultivating the mindset of approachability

1. Motivate yourself to do anything that stretches you outside your comfort zone, it's useful to focus in on the benefits. What will you get out of doing this? In the case of becoming more approachable, there actually are clear benefits. 
2. If you cultivate a host mentality, you literally pretend you're hosting the event, your focus shifts. It's no longer about you, it's about other people. Look around, scan the room. Are there people standing by themselves? Or who look lost or nervous? Go over to them and make them feel welcome. Your job is to help others be more comfortable. If you do that, two things happen. One, they'll be grateful and two, you get outside yourself, and often you even forget that you were nervous.
3. It's useful to ask yourself, what message do I want to give to others? What holds some people back from making themselves approachable is the feeling, not unjustified, that if you're too approachable, others will get a little too familiar and waste your time, for instance. So get clear on the exact message you want to send. For instance, I value you as a person and also, my time is valuable and I need to work efficiently. 

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Making yourself more easily approachable

1. The best way to be approachable may be to approach them first.
2. If you're at an event where are people going to be congregating? Bingo, by the food and drinks. They'll be munching or waiting in line to get their drink and if you position yourself nearby they're very likely to start talking to you as they pass the time. 
3. Wear a name tag.

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Making others feel included

1. Smile and say 'Hi'.
2. At most events, groups of people typically cluster into small, tight, closed circles, a bagel, in other words, but that excludes people. If you don't know anyone, how are you ever going to break into that circle? Instead, Robbie Samuels says, you should always stand in a croissant, meaning leaving the circle open, just a little bit, so there's room so newcomers can feel free to join. 
3. You see that person lurking around the edges of your conversation? Invite them in.
4. Get people up to speed on your conversation.

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How to start a conversation

1. A preexisting set of go to questions they can ask people. After all, what keeps a conversation going is high quality questions that engage people. 
2. A good strategy to draw someone out is to comment one something they're wearing and ask them about it. Please note, this is important, make sure it's something they've chosen.
3. Even if you're not sure what to say to them, you can take the environment around you as your cue. What sights have them seen so far in Chicago. What would they recommend you check out?

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How to take your conversation deeper

1. Don't just talk about work. That's obviously a great starting point, you can probably find a lot to talk about there, but especially if you want to build a more profound connection, try to find out more about the person's life outside the office. Do they have a spouse or kids, do they have hobbies they care about. How do they spend most of their time.
2. It's also a good idea to ask follow-up questions. This is a place where a lot of people fall short. They just let the person say their usual schtick, and don't go further. But it's a sign of interest, and a way for you to get to know someone more powerfully if you do ask. They have kids, well how old are the kids.
3. Look for genuine opportunities to compliment the other person. 
4. When someone shares an idea, do not shut them down, cut them off or belittle them. 

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How to be approachable online

1. Smiling profile photo
2. Conversational, first-person perspective about your professional accomplishments, and still sound competent. 
3. Blog, podcast and videos 
4. Responding to people. 

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How to be approachable as your career grows

1. Interact at scale: group gatherings
2. Open office hour
3. Get to know a few people in depth